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About Literature / Hobbyist Core Member IShouldntSayMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 2 Years
1 Month Core Membership
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Newest Deviations

Literature
Bones
smoothed down by eternal sandstorm winds
peaking out to greet the strangers
a warning or a story never told
pale white, no shine, moving on
forever thrashing in the forgotten sea
of mythology and unsung heroes
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 3 0
Literature
Matches
I think that I can save them
when I cannot even save myself
as if saving them and their lives will save mine
and will earn me connections I yearn for
I yearn for a reason to stay alive
stay alive
and for friendships that sitcoms are made of
with drama and purpose and desperate clasping at straws
I seek out a handle made of something to fix
to cling onto
and so no one calls back
/
I don't need to fix them
I need to wake up
there's a life out there worth having
companionship is nothing without adventures for them to join me on
money means nothing without smiles to pay for
and pennies are only of value when you have a pond
to flick them into and splash your wishes into the breeze
Thanksgivings are food for the reasons we seek them
my life is worth living for the fact that it's mine
my smile is beautiful because it's the brightest
when I am in darkness and turmoil's grasp
the most comfortable bed is on the road
the most comfortable road is adventure
the greatest adventure is the one made a
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 4 1
Literature
Carpet Floors
I flew ontop of the mountains of desperation
And forgiving me was not my strongest suit
I let the problems through
Sometimes i wonder if it’s worth it to cross the nation
There is fire in my brew
And im feeling it through and through
Face down on the carpet in a foreign land
Text tones on silent laying in my hand
Mother and father look out from the porch
To see their son grease the hinges on doors
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 1 0
Literature
January One
they greeted me at the gates of my old world
silence in the misty morning
exhaust fume clouds leak like memories of better days
leather wings borne on by ancient histories
westward bound after all the eastbound efforts
how I missed the smoke and red bricks
the curse has never been so obvious
forever in a moment two hundred years and counting
forever in a moment twenty seven years
and counting
dark grey and broken leaves under foot
sand and salt in piles
frosted white
frozen in a state of making
the wind blows cold
the air breathes life
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 2 0
Literature
Callous Rubber
tender soles run down callous rubber tires
swerving is a matter of basic wandering
the never ending snake that passes out
while moving at hyper-speeds
straight and thin and never smooth
drive till the night falls down upon itself
fear the vague and monstrous structures in the darkness
silhouetted against the light pollution
a new obsession
it never rains here
do not pass when flooded
click my heels in the face of such luck
windows down and fingers bare
wandering souls run down callous rubber tires
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 2 0
Literature
120 MPH
accusations of a brand new display case obsession
intersections of avenues and lack of discretion
buck twenty with five thousand RPMs screaming
backfiring intake and the slamming and dreaming
forget my intentions, pretend I'm just fine
switch the radio station to silence
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 4 0
Literature
Streetlight White
one million parked cars and I'm alone in my shelter
the darkness on in the surrounding outer wilderness
defended by the shell of streetlights, white and solid
communities within the community
and I sit here with solitaire and audio-book company
content with my contentedness
disconcerted by the way the charger cables migrate
flaky as a leaf in the autumn breeze
no anchors on this ship
black and white for the witnessing
I am content
I sleep in comfort
in fear
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 2 0
Literature
Some Day
One day the lights will grow
One day my hopes will rise and be met
The clouds will give way
And the smiles will show
I will find my way home some day
One day I will not have a failure
One day my dreams will exist
The bars will give way
And my troubles will turn
A life will be earned some day
One day I will harness my ego
One day my passion will find hold
The place will accept me
And contentment will grow
I will find my way home some day
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 2 0
Literature
Always Failure
Always failure
Cannot read them, cannot connect
Socialization and work ethic drop out
It never works out in the end
I tried and I tried, but trying was the failure
Obsession or desperation crack these eggs
No seeds can grow here
No gas on the fire
Just smoldering lights as the buildings collapse
Or throw me out
Like a failure
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 2 0
Literature
Last Second Impulse
and she spins, and she stumbles, and I fall into her hair
and I never thought the world would spin again right there
we drove like thunder and fire to our cares
taking I-49 to the southern edge of despair
nothing stays buried in a Louisiana graveyard
we know because we spent the night leaned up against he tombstones
taking shots of Wild Turkey like kissing hard
and we never saw the sun set quiet so far away
tomorrow is imaginary
and she spins, and she stumbles, and we fall out of the car
to the warm, dark, still soft, fresh laid tar
we ran away laughing as the vehicle burned
blonde curls on the wind, where we twist and spin
and sin like the devil on a Mother's Day absence
I've never felt anything quite like madness
bu this is simply everything all bundled in one small package
of five and half feet of pale skinned laughter
this house is made of kindling and candles made of rubber
we took a left turn, and became savage lovers
we never saw the sun set quite so above us
tomorrow is imagina
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 2 0
Literature
If Not For Who I Love
Stain the steering wheel red in streaks
head north in rusty homeland speed
cathedrals burn in the distant past now
no one knows and no one speaks
pedal down past structural integral safe
wheels spin at break neck pace
intention's to break my neck tonight
emotions spin with an empty face
the corner was to sharp for us
we plummet down the mountain side
an impact hard and pure
my wrists already half way to bleeding out
we suffer, burn, and die
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 3 0
Literature
Assimilation
I'm as lonely as I ever was
It's all perspective, alcoholic buzz
same obsessions, am I still jealous?
there's a feeling on the skin, I guess I'm anxious
I took a late flight, middle seat, uncomfortable
to fly back to the land of desert summer cold
I just visited the land I always called my home
but now I am confused, not sure why I didn't want go
I called for armageddon rampages from strangers
to put an end to all the suffering and anger
I used to be a monster trapped within a child's manger
now I'm just a man, trying to figure out this chamber
I wake up shaking every morning from anxiety
take medication to reduce it, fight the rivalry
lift up the chin, let's try to fit into society
and try to understand the general proprieties
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 1 0
Literature
Determined
you may call me a failure,                                               up
                         but life is a series of falls and then getting
you may say that it looks like chaos, but nobody said it would ever make sense to us
you may see all the mistakes and label them as such, but I see every shortcoming as a reason to live
You may hear my cries as a voice saying "too damn hard"
but my cries are the dragon inside trying to call up fire
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 2 0
Literature
Dust Covered Metal
there's a camera snapping
and a man with a broken ring
there's a handmaid cracking
and her brain is a broken thing
there's a sky over St.Louis
and a car with dust from the decades
there's a scream from the ruins
and a far off dream in the accolades
there is no longer a purpose for those of us who are enchanted
there is no longer a reason for us to keep spinning the planet
there is a man in the gutter
and a bottle full of destitute planning
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 2 0
The Beauty OfThe Destructible by IShouldntSay The Beauty OfThe Destructible :iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 4 0
Literature
Crocheted Hats
hold my hand and be right there
tell me silly jokes and save me
make your crafty little tokens of caring
and remind me that I am beautiful
you are the one who saw me in the crowd
who spoke to me first in a cafe of distracted souls
set the laptop up and argue over sausages
send jokes and anecdotes at cutthroat kitchen participants
in memories of nights well spent
we crossed a bridge, and I was so proud of you
at the canyon's edge I felt complete and real again
you had to be there for it to be what it was
and I loved you till the end of the world was in the past
forever is the way I hold my silence against your cheek
you are the heart in the snow
:iconIShouldntSay:IShouldntSay
:iconishouldntsay:IShouldntSay 2 0

Favourites

Literature
Happy Birthday
empty rooms and unlit candles
loneliness and bad memories
empty chairs at empty tables
no cake nor ice cream
no party hats nor silly games
no friends nor family
many tears and lived out fears
crying from unbearable pain
no gifts no ribbons no bows
No laughter no fun
endless misery year after year
balloons and cards left at the store
not a single knock at the door my wish this year
is for anything but this
empty rooms and unlit candles
:iconhereswhereistand:hereswhereistand
:iconhereswhereistand:hereswhereistand 1 0
Literature
That Dark Lonely Night
On a dark lonely night they made a bad choice
I needed them but they chose their selfish petty self-destructive  act
I was always there for them, through everything
But on that dark lonely night no one was there for me
They knew what they were doing
They knew it was bad and harmful
They knew I was trying to save them
They chose to do it anyway
I was crying outside on the cold sidewalk
My heart and soul were aching
I needed someone, anyone, to be there for me
The police were called, disturbing the peace
But the only peace that was disturbed was mine
The cops could see I was in desperate pain
They wanted me to reach out
I made several phone calls to "friends" and family
Nobody answered
I pleaded to them for help over voicemails and texts
Nobody answered
The police started to cry because I told them no one would be there for me
I told them that no one was there when i needed help
Despite being there for everyone who needed me
Despite always giving my all for everyone whenever they as
:iconhereswhereistand:hereswhereistand
:iconhereswhereistand:hereswhereistand 2 0
Rebirth III by LucaBANDA Rebirth III :iconlucabanda:LucaBANDA 4 0 [PTS] Flying Over The Mountains by RandomAbsol7404 [PTS] Flying Over The Mountains :iconrandomabsol7404:RandomAbsol7404 3 4
Literature
Rush Hour
Rushed hellos
Rushed good byes
Rushed good mornings
Rushed good nights
Rushed i love yous
Rushed fights
Rushed reading of texts and messages
Rushed listening to my words
Rushed care
Rushed consideration
Rushed sympathy
Rushed affection
Only time people are not rushing is when theres something they need to say
Only time they're not rushing is when they're having a rough day
Feeling a bit used
Feeling a bit unwanted
Feeling insignificant
Small and forgotten
Feeling unappreciated
Unloved and rotten
:iconhereswhereistand:hereswhereistand
:iconhereswhereistand:hereswhereistand 2 0
A Summer Beneath The Trees by SvenMueller A Summer Beneath The Trees :iconsvenmueller:SvenMueller 278 11 Lost in the Woods VII v2.0 by Aenea-Jones Lost in the Woods VII v2.0 :iconaenea-jones:Aenea-Jones 547 12 Composicion03 by voinot Composicion03 :iconvoinot:voinot 1 1
Literature
WHEN THE SENSES DANCE
Softly spoken words during a midnight fire,
the echo of two hearts beating one desire,
Such sublime setting for the weary wandering echoes,
drifting through the moon lit sky which ever way the wind blows,
Serendipitous grandeur dances in my eyes,
by the flickering flames, all aglow, like fireflies,
Prancing upwards are the the embers giving light to the dark sky,
bright enough to block out stars, a metaphysical reply,
The crescent moon, sparkling with wonder
is impressed by the spell we're under,
I'm honored to bear witness to such splendor,
and be a part of honest words so tender,
The sheer delicacy of our words protected and secure,
show how deeply we're connected, our well stoked fire will endure,
Firey colors enveloping our eyes
and smoke screens try to materialize,
Faint melodies in rhythmic motion leaving us in a trance,
no matter what the distraction, we turn it into a dance,
I raise my hand to twirl my fingers around the dancing embers,
spin around, come full circle, cast a spe
:iconrjdubbya:rjdubbya
:iconrjdubbya:rjdubbya 12 28
Nature Abstract 1 by bouzid27 Nature Abstract 1 :iconbouzid27:bouzid27 3 4 End of day looks the same in others wolrds too by tsahel End of day looks the same in others wolrds too :icontsahel:tsahel 58 32 Untitled by IrinaJoanne Untitled :iconirinajoanne:IrinaJoanne 85 3 Let's switch places by kevron2001 Let's switch places :iconkevron2001:kevron2001 89 6 Duckling by Millia91 Duckling :iconmillia91:Millia91 4 2 Edgefield School by ab39z Edgefield School :iconab39z:ab39z 15 4 W-out 0718 ' Bird of play  ' by W-out W-out 0718 ' Bird of play ' :iconw-out:W-out 176 11

Groups

Activity


smoothed down by eternal sandstorm winds
peaking out to greet the strangers
a warning or a story never told
pale white, no shine, moving on
forever thrashing in the forgotten sea
of mythology and unsung heroes
I think that I can save them
when I cannot even save myself
as if saving them and their lives will save mine
and will earn me connections I yearn for
I yearn for a reason to stay alive
stay alive
and for friendships that sitcoms are made of
with drama and purpose and desperate clasping at straws
I seek out a handle made of something to fix
to cling onto
and so no one calls back
/
I don't need to fix them
I need to wake up
there's a life out there worth having
companionship is nothing without adventures for them to join me on
money means nothing without smiles to pay for
and pennies are only of value when you have a pond
to flick them into and splash your wishes into the breeze
Thanksgivings are food for the reasons we seek them
my life is worth living for the fact that it's mine
my smile is beautiful because it's the brightest
when I am in darkness and turmoil's grasp
the most comfortable bed is on the road
the most comfortable road is adventure
the greatest adventure is the one made alone
and solitude is worth it for the character
I am written in my own book
/
I pretend I can save them
I pretend I cannot save myself
one is one but sometimes one is both
both directions are valid but only one is permanent and real
the sunrise is beautiful
the sunset is beautiful
because change and destruction are the forces or growth
the tallest and strongest are often just grey
and inspiration is personal first
fresh fuel and good reasons to die
are simply the powder on matches
burn it down or burn yourself alive
what matters is what you do with the propulsion
words are just words
but songs are just souls
and I preach my own thoughts
so I will remember them
so I will remember
I wrote this
I flew ontop of the mountains of desperation
And forgiving me was not my strongest suit
I let the problems through
Sometimes i wonder if it’s worth it to cross the nation
There is fire in my brew
And im feeling it through and through

Face down on the carpet in a foreign land
Text tones on silent laying in my hand
Mother and father look out from the porch
To see their son grease the hinges on doors
they greeted me at the gates of my old world
silence in the misty morning
exhaust fume clouds leak like memories of better days
leather wings borne on by ancient histories

westward bound after all the eastbound efforts
how I missed the smoke and red bricks
the curse has never been so obvious
forever in a moment two hundred years and counting
forever in a moment twenty seven years
and counting

dark grey and broken leaves under foot
sand and salt in piles
frosted white
frozen in a state of making

the wind blows cold

the air breathes life
tender soles run down callous rubber tires
swerving is a matter of basic wandering
the never ending snake that passes out
while moving at hyper-speeds
straight and thin and never smooth

drive till the night falls down upon itself

fear the vague and monstrous structures in the darkness
silhouetted against the light pollution
a new obsession

it never rains here
do not pass when flooded
click my heels in the face of such luck

windows down and fingers bare

wandering souls run down callous rubber tires
Callous Rubber
inspired by a 100 mile ride I took through the Arizona dessert in the darkest early morning hours
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well, I lost my job, decided that I was ready to kill myself, then remembered the faces of my loved ones and I know first hand how much it would hurt them if I killed myself soo I decided I had to do the extreme in the other direction and went straight to the psych ward and spent a full week there. It was actually one of the best experiences of my life and I am hoping to use it in my writing and music going forward and it's also pushed me towards the field that I actually want to work in. so yay for the loony bin! and Zoloft!

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IShouldntSay's Profile Picture
IShouldntSay
IShouldntSay
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I write poems and songs as a way of coping and understanding the world. I've been told it's a talent. it's a gift, a gift for me. without it, I would be so lost.

I also have a youtube where I post the songs I have done, hip-hop. check it out at www.youtube.com/channel/UCS07M…
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Comments


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:iconchrispher:
chrispher Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2017  New Deviant Student Digital Artist
lovely words, you have
Reply
:iconishouldntsay:
IShouldntSay Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! I appreciate the compliment
Reply
:iconchrispher:
chrispher Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2017  New Deviant Student Digital Artist
no problem :)
Reply
:icontsahel:
tsahel Featured By Owner May 30, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thanks for the fav ! :D
Reply
:iconvixerlen:
Vixerlen Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2017  Student Writer
Hi there! Thank you for joining :iconxx-book-worms-xx: I'm so glad you decided to become a part of our group! I hope you enjoy your stay with us, if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask me ^^

:bulletgreen: Please look at this -> fav.me/db2i8tb for information on folders :bulletgreen:

Have fun and enjoy your stay with us at Xx-Book-Worms-xX :D
Reply
:iconthelunalily:
TheLunaLily Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the watch!:heart:
Reply
:iconishouldntsay:
IShouldntSay Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for creating the art
Reply
:iconthelunalily:
TheLunaLily Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconab39z:
ab39z Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the +fave and +watch, but I don't have time to do commissions for free any longer.
Reply
:iconishouldntsay:
IShouldntSay Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
ok, just wondered. thanks for gettin back to me =)
Reply
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